Knowing and Loving your Students
By: William Worley
I’ve always been a fan of “top 5” lists. Whether it is “Top 5 College Football Players of All-Time” or “Top Five Economies in the World Today,” I’m a sucker for that kind of click bait. So naturally, when I sat down to write this article, I thought about my “Top Five Ways to Know and Love Your Students.” You will see them listed below.
Prioritize your personal walk with Jesus. The 17th century Scottish pastor, Robert M’Cheyne, once famously said, “My people’s greatest need is my personal holiness.” In student ministry, there is a temptation to devote your whole heart to the well-being of your students. While that sounds noble, it might cause you to neglect your own spiritual disciplines and, more than likely, results in you drifting in your faith. Furthermore, the aforementioned temptation might lead you to neglect your own family. I know many pastors and church leaders that are filled with regrets because they have put the needs of the flock ahead of the needs of their family. God doesn’t intend for you as a student pastor/ministry leader to neglect your family in an effort to love students well (1 Tim. 5:8, Eph. 6:4). Students are desperately looking for genuine followers of Jesus who practice what they preach. They want to see godly leaders who love Jesus and love their families. It may seem like a good thing to spend most of your time going to ball games and hanging out with teenagers, but it is meaningless if you sacrifice your walk and your family. This is the foundation for loving your students well. Love God with all that you have and trust God with the results.
Quickly learn their name AND know their family. Switching gears completely with this one. I cannot express to you how big of an impact it has on students when you remember their name. My junior year of high school, I remember walking into a new youth group for the very first time and the youth pastor knew my name. Not only did he know my name, but he knew who my parents and siblings were as well. It made me feel as if he was genuinely interested in my life (which he was and still is). It’s often been said that “people won’t remember what you say but they will always remember how you made them feel.” A simple discipline such as learning a person’s name and a little bit about them, such as their family, will go a long way in making that student feel loved and appreciated. Some challenges to this might be that you have a large youth group, or you just genuinely struggle with names. To the first challenge I would say, do for a few what you wish you could do for many. To the latter challenge, I would say that we subconsciously memorize 1000s of things daily without even trying. Learning a person’s family will help you memorize their name. We must be willing to put some effort into this invaluable discipline.
Know a little bit about everything. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 9:22, “…I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some.” Paul is in the midst of talking about how he made a conscious decision to serve all people so that he could win their souls for Christ. He made diligent efforts to relate to the Jews, Gentiles, to the weak, and others; not so he could glorify himself, but that they might come to know Jesus. I would strongly suggest that if you want to love and know your students well, that you quickly learn what they’re interested in so that you can have a conversation with them about it. I’m not ashamed to say that I have googled several hobbies, interests, and professions just so that I can know a little bit about what makes people “tick.” For example, I am as useless as a catcher in t-ball when it comes to knowing about games such as Roblox, Minecraft, or Fortnite. However, many of my students are interested in those things so I ask them questions about those games when I see them because they appreciate me taking an interest in what interests them. Recently, I had a student who was ridiculously talented at ballet. Knowing this, I googled the organization she performed with and learned that one of her instructors was a friend of mine from college. With this knowledge, I began a conversation with her about this person, which led to a conversation about talents and gifts, which ultimately led into a gospel conversation discussing how every “good and perfect gift comes from God (James 1:17).” That student became a Christ-follower not too long after that and has faithfully served the Lord in her college years. I had little to no knowledge about ballet prior to this but God used what little bit I did have to create an opportunity for a gospel conversation.
Plan and organize your schedule to spend time with them. The Bible is clear that we ought to manage our time well (Eph. 5:16). To know and love your students well, we need to plan times in which we can spend time with them. The best way to make this point is by showing you what I try my best to do. The first thing I make every effort to do is spend at least two evenings per week at home with my family. My work week is usually about 40-50 hours per week. I will try t o spend 20 of those hours on planning and preparing, 10-15 hours with adults (leaders, volunteers, church members), and 10-15 hours with students (ball games, hanging out at the school, Wednesday nights, etc.). I like to write out my week on Sunday nights (a discipline I learned from one of my students). Using the above formula, I write out how I will spend my week and when I plan on doing it. Ironically, I’ve learned that the better planned you are, the more flexible you can be. With that being said, when you make a plan to spend time with your students, it communicates that they are worth spending time with, rather than communicating that you’ll spend time with them “if you get the chance.”
Be patient. Lastly, for your students to know that you love them it simply takes time. Knowing and believing this will help you on the days where it seems like the words you speak into their lives is going in one ear and out the other. Be patient with them because God is patient with you. He doesn’t give up us when we stray and wander from the flock. He is patient and loving, just like the father of the prodigal son (Luke 15). Building relationships, knowing your students, and loving them well simply takes time and will not happened overnight. The most fruitful ministries that I’ve seen are led by the people who have spent years doing ordinary things with extraordinary faithfulness. I’m assuming that if you’re still reading this up to this point, it’s because you are genuinely interested in loving those under your influence well. If I could offer one last piece of advice to you, it would be this: Hang in there and don’t give up on the people you are serving. Making disciples, loving your students, and knowing them deeply requires patience. Let it remind you of the patience of God. “But You, O LORD, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.” – Psalm 86:15. Go with God, my friends.
William Worley is the Associate Pastor – Students at First Baptist Andalusia in south Alabama. He oversees the children’s, youth, and college ministries. He has been married to his wife, Abby, for four years and they are expecting their first child this fall.