Learning to say no

By: Cam Martin

‘Learning to Say No’

Our topic is ‘Learning to Say No’. I choose to write on this topic because it is something I am not good at doing. I like to take people’s ideas/visions and run with them. I’d rather say ‘yes’ to an activity, event, or commitment so I do not disappoint that person or organization. Truthfully, working in ministry we have a lot of good things to say ‘yes’ to, but we can’t do them all. Saying ‘No’ can be a hard respond to give. So here are a few ways I am trying to implement discerning in all types of situations if I should say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

1.        Ask God

Scriptures tells us to 'pray without ceasing.' (1 Thessalonians 5:17 ESV) We want to honor how God tells us to operate. If you have a decision to make, whether big or small, start with prayer. Many times, in prayer we want to hear an answer. We want God to tell us ‘yes’ or ‘no’. This can happen but what prayer does is align our hearts to God’s desires and will. Now, we aren’t thinking about what that person or organization has asked you to say yes to. We are now thinking about what God would like us to think about. We aren’t worried about offending them or making them upset, we are thinking about the bigger picture. Where does God want me to put my yes at? If you are not given a clear answer through prayer, you don’t see ‘doors closing’ as we like to call it when an opportunity comes our way that is not for us, more than likely he has given us freedom to discern the situation ourselves. This is where we take it to the second question.

2.        Does it align with your goals?

There are many goals to consider. Does it align with your spiritual goals, personal goals, or work goals? Not to overcomplicate the discernment process but if you have clear goals laid out, in the long run it helps analyze if you should be saying yes or no to something. Simply because, saying ‘yes’ can take up time that could be used to reach a goal you had set.

This makes me think about the times when someone brings an idea to me. In our minds, we all have goals and processes for our ministry. Sometimes someone will bring me an idea and it aligns well with the vision. I empower them to start their idea and help them along the way. Other times I am given an idea, and it does not align with the vision. This is not because they have given me a bad idea but because it just doesn’t align with where the goals are trying to go. It wouldn’t be beneficial to continue with their idea if it goes away from the mission and vision of the ministry.

When thinking about our goals, we don’t want to be selfish with our time and talents. Scripture tells us, 'Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. ' (Philippians 2:4 ESV) This should be a goal of ours. We want to be willing to serve others through all the decisions we make. Consider all angels of the decision that has been put in front of you. Consider if you are already trying to meet the interest or needs of others. If so and you know you cannot take on another commitment, then it is a no. If it goes along with the spiritual, personal, or work goals you have, and you can take on the responsibility, then make it a yes! I hope this helps you along your journey.

From,

Cam Martin

Cross Roads Baptist Church

Family Pastor